Thursday, July 26, 2012

OB GYN vs. Midwife

Argh! I can't begin to explain my frustration with this pregnancy already and I am only like 5 1/2 weeks along - If this is setting the tone for the next 9 months I am really in for it! Thanks to this little diddy on Netflix called The Business of Being Born I started heavily considering that when I had kids I would use a midwife service instead of going the hospital route. But now that the whole having beebees is here and present I find myself completely conflicted and I am in desperate need of guidance and prayer.

I scheduled an interview with a local midwife and scheduled my first OB GYN appointment on the same day just because I didn't know exactly what I was going to do yet and wanted to go ahead and get scheduled with the OB GYN because the doctor I picked has a pretty packed schedule on a regular basis. I don't know anyone personally that has ever used the midwives in this area. I know nurses though (if that is one thing my town has in abundance it's nurses!) and I am hearing these horror stories and being strongly advised against using a midwife service. I pretty much had my mind made up when we went to the interview with the midwife yesterday that I wasn't going to go that route, my husband came with me even though he felt it was a waste of time since I already had my mind set, but he came anyways after I insisted. The result? I really liked the midwifery. I liked the birthing center, the women working there, the whole idea of it. They insisted that the number of complications that occur that they are unable to handle are very small. They gave us a tour and I felt really comfortable. When we left I felt more conflicted then ever.

My husband would prefer the midwife, he has never flat out said it recently but I know his opinion from before I was knocked up and I could hear it in the way he spoke about it after our appointment, but he is really trying to stay unbiased and just support whichever decision I make, which I appreciate but it also just makes me even more frustrated because this decision is solely on MY shoulders. My friends and the couple of family I discussed it with all favor OB GYNs mainly because of the whole idea that if there is some sort of complication you are right there in the hospital surrounded by a doctor and nurses. On the other hand I hear these horror stories but if it was that horrible of a facility I figure if I researched it online there would be some pretty horrible reviews and warnings from people who had bad experiences and I can't find anything negative about the midwife comp online at all.

The thing is, this isn't just about me anymore. When you aren't pregnant and looking at the whole concept from the outside it is easy to say what you would do when you became pregnant. However, this is more then just about me, this is about the health and safety of my unborn child and safety is a major concern, complications and things that could go wrong in 9 months when I go into labor is a huge determining factor in my decision to go with a midwife or a OB GYN.

I am sincerely conflicted about what path to take, everyone is telling me go with OB GYN except my husband who wants to go with a midwife and I am so torn I don't know what to do. I have been praying about it but God doesn't seem to want to answer me just yet. Luckily I have most of August to come to a final decision, which is a blessing or a curse considering that if I stay this indecisive I am going to driving myself crazy debating the two. I just keep praying that it becomes crystal clear about which direction I should go with so I can feel confident in my decision, but right now I just feel overwhelmed and it scares me that if I am THIS overwhelmed and I am only a few weeks into this how am I going to do for the other 35 weeks!?

Hopefully sanity will soon find me. Lord I hope it does anyways...


Update -
Well my insurance company made this an easy decision it seems, midwife isn't covered and OB GYN is... so OB GYN it is then! Not gonna lie, relieved the decision was pretty much made for me, kinda disappointed about not being able to use a midwife - maybe if we ever move to a bigger town with more options and choices AND if we decide to have another kid I can go that route.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Everything Changed with One Little Word

Tuesday morning at 7:43AM my whole life changed in a blink of an eye... or hourglass you could say. What could have possibly shaken this ol' girl's world up this much? A simple little test, a pregnancy test.

But before we get to Tuesday lets rewind a few days to Saturday. My husband of 8 1/2 months has been hounding me with references that I might be pregnant and it was making me super paranoid even though I was absolutely certain without a shadow of a doubt that I wasn't. Our birth control methods were a little screwy at the time because we were mid changing birth control pills and what not, but the chances of getting pregnant in such a short window just seemed stupid to me. However, with my husband's constant statements came doubt so I went and picked up a 2pack of digital pregnancy tests.He was getting ready for work and saw the box, he wanted to be there while I took it, which was fine with me cause I knew there was nothing to make a fuss over, and I was right. I took the test and in 3 minutes the window read "NOT PREGNANT" - he was surprised, he was certain I was while I was certain I wasn't. I sighed relief and said "SEE! I told you!"  Feeling victorious and proud that I knew my own body well enough. So the weekend comes and goes, I spent it with friends at the pool drinking rum & cokes and imported beers while working on my tan cause I knew that come Monday good ol' "Aunt Flo" would be here and kicking my ass in normal monthly fashion with a phantom ninja kicking inside my uterus with such force that I would feel like I would die, as it happens every month. Well Monday came and went.... and no ninja.... no Aunt Flo. Well, that's odd... However I have never been one of those women that can always pin point the very time that my period is going to hit so I figured it would be any day now, just cause my iPhone app says it should happen doesn't mean my uterus lining had synchronized with it.

Tuesday the Mr. W had already headed to work and I woke up feeling super sluggish, I mean I am not a morning person to begin with, but waking up was pure torture the last couple days. I woke up to no Aunt Flo and the paranoia flickered in the back of my head. Screw it, I thought, the package came with 2 tests might as well kill this stupid idea. So I grabbed the second test and took it, I put it on the counter and surrounded it with toiletry items to guard it from our cat who would have knocked it on the floor as a play thing. Then I got in the shower, being pregnant was the LAST thing on my mind I really was just putting to rest this dang idea that the hubby had put into my head. Me? Pregnant? Ridiculous. I got out of the shower and put my contacts in and started getting ready for work, completely forgetting about the little peed on stick on the counter barricaded by toilet paper, hairspray, and contact solution. I started putting on makeup and I was rushing because I felt a little behind and then I remembered... I hadn't checked the test - I finished most my makeup because come on, I was NOT pregnant, that was confirmed just a couple days before. I got up and moved all of the items blocking the test... Where is the 'Not'.... Um, this says... PREGNANT. 

Holy Shit.
(sorry but seriously that was my very first thought when I read that test out of pure shock!)

Panic mode automatically sets in and I text a good friend who I had warned a month in advance that the day I come up pregnant is the day she would start getting panic and freaked out text messages. I kept my word & at 7:44AM she got texts, multiple, explaining that I was officially freaking the heck out. She recommended I go get another test because after all, false positives have been known to happen in rare instances. I was already running late for work but there was NO way I could wait until I got off work or lunch to verify this information, so I dropped by the grocery store and got some more digital Clear Blue tests and headed to work - I couldn't tell you if I was excited or petrified. I got to work and shoved a test in my pocket and made my way to the bathroom, did my thing and waited about 30 seconds and there it was again.... missing that damn Not. Ugh. I went back to the office and drowned myself in water, I had to take that other test that came in the box. I fidgeted at work, trying to work but really just begging my body to process the water so I could go back to the bathroom. 9AM rolled around, BINGO had to go pee something fierce. Took the next test in the bathroom, peed, and waited... this once took the full 3 minutes. I sat their tapping my foot, pants down around the ankles, staring at the little blinking hourglass. 3 minutes is an absurd amount of time to wait people. And it finally popped up. "PREGNANT." 

3 tests and about 2 hours and there was no mistaking it, this girl right here is knocked up 100% without a doubt. I walked back to my office and put the two tests back in the box I had bought them in and walked into my boss' office in shock. I shut the door and handed her my phone, it was the Twitter I had sent out to the world at 7:43 that simply said "SHIIIIIIIIIIIT." She looked up at me and knew, she got up and hugged me and started congratulating me and the happy tears started the swell up in my eyes. At the same time I was SUPER confused, I went from newly wed party girl to newly wed mommy to be in a matter of minutes. She asked when I was going to tell my husband and I had to think about it, he closed that night so I knew he wouldn't be home till 10:30 or after so I thought maybe the next day since he was only going to be home from around 10AM to 1PM before heading to work. My boss being the amazing woman she is told me I had better grab my things and take my lunch right then and there (9:30AM) and take as long as I needed. I got in my car in total disbelief the first few hours of that morning are still quite blurry. I didn't want to just tell him, I wanted to surprise him with it, after all just a couple days before I had shown him that I wasn't pregnant so he wouldn't be expecting this at all! I drove to Baby'R'Us and bought a set of newborn unisex onesies, a bag, and tissue paper then I got in my car and made a little giftbag with the 3 pregnancy tests at the bottom of the bag under tissue paper and onesies. I drove home and my husband was there but in a horrible awful mood - He was mad at a company who had charged his debit card incorrectly, he felt really sick, and he had a busy day ahead at his job. From the moment I walked into the house he was ranting. I handed him the bag at one point in the bedroom and told him the guys at my job bought this for us and he took it and headed to the living room - He set it down in front of himself and sat on the couch to continue his venting without touching the bag. I sat on the floor infront of him so I could secretly record him opening the bag, but it took him several minutes to finally even get to the dang thing. He FINALLY grabbed the bag and yanked out the paper and pulled out the onesies. "You're Pregnant?" - "Yup." - "I thought you said you weren't pregnant." - "Couple days ago the test seemed to think I wasn't but there are 3 tests in there that say differently." Then he was quite for a second and just said "Cool..... That's awesome" and there you have it. He proceeded to call his boss, which of course I had to call the his boss' wife because she is one of my best friends and I wanted her to hear it from me and not the boss. It wasn't till he was mid conversation with his boss on the phone that he grabbed me and hugged me tightly and kissed me on the cheek. That very moment my nerves settled significantly.

The rest of the day is pretty much a blur and the details would make this story much more boring then it already is. We took the next couple of days to tell the family and close friends, that too is quite blurry. Now it has been one week ago since I found out that I am pregnant and slowly but surely it has started to sink in. And as this sinks in I am starting to come to terms with all the changes I am going to face from here on out.

Tuesday morning at 7:43AM my whole life changed in a blink of an eye... or hourglass you could say. What could have possibly shaken this ol' girl's world up this much? A simple little test, a pregnancy test.