Love at First Sight

Week 12 has come and gone, and with it was the first chance we got to see our little bit. We had a ultrasound appointment at my doctor's office last Thursday, it's the first of 3 ultrasounds total during this journey - This one my doctor did himself, the next two will be done at a high risk doctor office, something that all of my doctor's clients go to to verify the health and safety of baby and mommy. The next ultrasound will be around 18-20 weeks (so end of October or early November) and will be when we find out the gender, then we have another one around 30 weeks.

I can't really explain what I expected when we went, I was kind of a nervous wreck initially. Dev was there trying to make me laugh and what not, you know... what he is always trying to do, which is to ease me into situations I might not be the most comfortable in naturally. When the doctor came in we got straight to the nitty gritty. I laid down on the table and he did his magic. Thankfully it was a external ultrasound. (whew!) It just took a moment but in a matter of seconds there was little bit. He froze the initial scan and we got a head on view of our little bit. I had been expecting a profile image for some reason but instead we got a view of little bit's face. The doctor showed us where little bit's eyes, nose, mouth, were... I was in awe honestly. His/Her little arm stretched above his/her head as though giving a wave. I could feel tears kind of start and I grabbed Dev's hand and squeezed it. Doc unfroze it then and we say the little one start to move, it was crazy honestly! He then showed us the heart beating and we got to hear it at the same time, pounding at a good 153 beats per minute. Baby measures a day earlier then the estimated due date so Doctor said we are sticking with March 25 as Little Bit's anticipated arrival.

There is really no words for how you feel the first time you see what is growing inside of you. When the doctor had finished Dev just looked at me smiling and told me "Good job baby." The rest of the day was just surreal, I floated through the rest of it I guess you could say. It's one thing to know you are pregnant, but getting to see this little thing growing inside of you moving and getting to see the heart beating, it brings it all down to earth. It makes it real.

I am hoping that with the end of the first trimester will be the end of the moodiness and exhaustion, so I can really appreciate and soak in this experience. Speaking of the end of the first trimester that would be this week, week 13, I can't tell you how comforting it is to get into a safer zone, but I also can't tell you how unbelievably fast this is going by! Feels like it was just a couple weeks ago that I found out I was pregnant!!!

I STILL haven't replaced my chalkboard so I will post a boring ol' mirror picture here soon for week 13, luckily there hasn't been much difference in the tummy. I am SUPER happy that Jessica Simpson released her maternity line today though and you best believe I will be buying pretty much every single item she offers!

How far along? 13 weeks!

Total weight gain: 5 pounds.
Maternity clothes? Not yet, but I do sport my yoga pants more then anything else.
Stretch marks? no
Sleep: Still getting plenty of it thankfully!
Best moment last week: Seeing our baby for the first time!
Miss Anything? Laying on my stomach.
Movement: Nope.
Food cravings: Not really having any
Anything making you queasy or sick: The gumbo we made last night. BLAH!
Gender: Nothing yet, but Devin took notice that the Dr kept saying she and her during the ultrasound!
Labor Signs: No
Symptoms: It hurts my lower abdomen when I sneeze :(
Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy, kinda sleepy all the time still though
Looking forward to: Da bump!

12 weeks and Other Changes

I find it super crazy that I am a mere 2 weeks away from my second trimester. I found out at 4 weeks, so we've had a good 2 months to adjust. Days are going by so much more quickly it seems. We are just a few days away from our first ultrasound which I couldn't be more excited about.

The not so fun symptoms are beginning to taper off, that mainly being the fatigue. It's great not to need a nap every single day let me tell you. My appetite is still pretty standard, no weird cravings or anything. Unfortunately my blackboard shattered so I am either going to have to find a new way to track or make buy another chalkboard (I don't really have it in me to go through the process of making it again)

In other news... I feel I should share this, probably because it's been stirring in my mind for the last week. I visited a new church last Sunday for the first time in probably well over 6 years. I wish I could explain the urgency that I feel towards finding a church home, it really hadn't been a big concern until recently. My soul is kind of on fire - mostly I believe it's because of this little baby growing inside of me. Hearing the heartbeat only increased my need to satisfy a spiritual thirst. It's been so long since I have cared this sincerely about my faith, I had abandoned the organized religion some time ago. I find it a struggle to find a church home that accepts my more liberal standings, i.e. being pro-choice and being for marriage equality. [[This was one of the main reasons I abandoned the church scene in the first place.]] I've caught myself listening to KLOVE or spotifying contemporary Christian music, researching different Bible studies I could start, and looking at churches in the area. To a degree I am excited about dipping my toe back into old stomping ground, but I also know there was a reason I left in the first place and I can't help but question, can I find a church that is willing to accept my views even if they aren't their own? 

I've never abandoned my faith in God, I abandoned my faith in many of his people though. When I started taking the Bible as more of guidance to good morals and ethics and not a book of necessarily exact events I knew I would be an outcast. I don't know if I can worship next to those who don't understand where I am coming from. I have felt alone for so long religiously. 

Truth is I have never questioned the existence of God, but hearing that heartbeat for the first time brought God knocking on a door that has been shut for quite some time.... and I think it's about time to let Him back in and give Him the reigns.

I Heart You

Well this evening when I got home from work I pulled out the home fetal doppler and gave it a go, after about 15 minutes right below my belly button I found our little one and I sighed in relief and disbelief.

In other news my fatigue the last couple days hasn't been nearly as rough as the last 2 months. I've made it through the last couple days without naps even and going to bed around 11! I hope that this is a sign that it is slowly wearing off. I've noticed a decrease in nausea issues too. Praise the Lord!

Invested.

Honestly, when I found out we were expecting - while I was kind of excited, mostly I was in shock. It took several weeks for me to actually come to terms with the fact that I was going to be someone's mother. That God had granted me this opportunity that I didn't think I necessarily deserved. It was kind of surreal for the first month - People would ask if I was excited and this unsure half smile would come across my face. I was unsure about my feelings and I am bad at lying. I don't know exactly what part of the situation made me so uneasy but I was extremely uneasy at the thought.

I know all the statistics, that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage in the very first trimester - So I was sure that if something were to go awry I would be perfectly fine either way. Our appointment last Thursday proved otherwise.

Thursday, as I laid on that table and the assistant was scrolling the wand of the doppler across my lower abdomen, my ears strained to hear the faintest sound, that little sound that mimics the sound of a galloping horse, the baby's heartbeat. I was silent, trying not to take deep breaths concerned it could mask the baby's heartbeat and we would miss it. As the seconds passed and she just kept scanning this small panic started to blaze in the forefront of my mind, and as the minutes passed I realized. I am invested. Somewhere along the way in the last 6 weeks of knowing that I was pregnant it became more then there is a fetus in me, no... this is my child. I know Devin could see the concern in my eyes, I couldn't hide it, even after being reassured that it is normal not to be able to find the baby at 10 weeks. However, I was already completely irrational at this point and just wanted them to find the baby's heartbeat right then and there. When they scheduled my first ultrasound for 2 Thursdays away I just looked at them like surely they were joking. Yeah, they weren't.

So we have 10 days before our first ultrasound, I will be 12 weeks and 4 days. I pray daily for the health of our baby.

I never figured myself to be one of those women, but here I sit being one of those types of women. My heart is fully in this. If you were to ask me if I was excited today this big ol' smile would come across my face. I am totally sure of my feelings, this is my baby. I am invested.