Argh! I can't begin to explain my frustration with this pregnancy already and I am only like 5 1/2 weeks along - If this is setting the tone for the next 9 months I am really in for it! Thanks to this little diddy on Netflix called The Business of Being Born I started heavily considering that when I had kids I would use a midwife service instead of going the hospital route. But now that the whole having beebees is here and present I find myself completely conflicted and I am in desperate need of guidance and prayer.
I scheduled an interview with a local midwife and scheduled my first OB GYN appointment on the same day just because I didn't know exactly what I was going to do yet and wanted to go ahead and get scheduled with the OB GYN because the doctor I picked has a pretty packed schedule on a regular basis. I don't know anyone personally that has ever used the midwives in this area. I know nurses though (if that is one thing my town has in abundance it's nurses!) and I am hearing these horror stories and being strongly advised against using a midwife service. I pretty much had my mind made up when we went to the interview with the midwife yesterday that I wasn't going to go that route, my husband came with me even though he felt it was a waste of time since I already had my mind set, but he came anyways after I insisted. The result? I really liked the midwifery. I liked the birthing center, the women working there, the whole idea of it. They insisted that the number of complications that occur that they are unable to handle are very small. They gave us a tour and I felt really comfortable. When we left I felt more conflicted then ever.
My husband would prefer the midwife, he has never flat out said it recently but I know his opinion from before I was knocked up and I could hear it in the way he spoke about it after our appointment, but he is really trying to stay unbiased and just support whichever decision I make, which I appreciate but it also just makes me even more frustrated because this decision is solely on MY shoulders. My friends and the couple of family I discussed it with all favor OB GYNs mainly because of the whole idea that if there is some sort of complication you are right there in the hospital surrounded by a doctor and nurses. On the other hand I hear these horror stories but if it was that horrible of a facility I figure if I researched it online there would be some pretty horrible reviews and warnings from people who had bad experiences and I can't find anything negative about the midwife comp online at all.
The thing is, this isn't just about me anymore. When you aren't pregnant and looking at the whole concept from the outside it is easy to say what you would do when you became pregnant. However, this is more then just about me, this is about the health and safety of my unborn child and safety is a major concern, complications and things that could go wrong in 9 months when I go into labor is a huge determining factor in my decision to go with a midwife or a OB GYN.
I am sincerely conflicted about what path to take, everyone is telling me go with OB GYN except my husband who wants to go with a midwife and I am so torn I don't know what to do. I have been praying about it but God doesn't seem to want to answer me just yet. Luckily I have most of August to come to a final decision, which is a blessing or a curse considering that if I stay this indecisive I am going to driving myself crazy debating the two. I just keep praying that it becomes crystal clear about which direction I should go with so I can feel confident in my decision, but right now I just feel overwhelmed and it scares me that if I am THIS overwhelmed and I am only a few weeks into this how am I going to do for the other 35 weeks!?
Hopefully sanity will soon find me. Lord I hope it does anyways...
Update -
Well my insurance company made this an easy decision it seems, midwife isn't covered and OB GYN is... so OB GYN it is then! Not gonna lie, relieved the decision was pretty much made for me, kinda disappointed about not being able to use a midwife - maybe if we ever move to a bigger town with more options and choices AND if we decide to have another kid I can go that route.
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